Dear Chinese Food Delivery Guy,I know that I order appetizers/food at a 10/1 ratio. I’m ok with that...which is why I order them in the first place. It’s not my fault that your crab puffs are so delicious. Maybe if you made them less delicious, I would not order so many of them. Please stop commenting on how many I order.
Also, please stop reminding me of how one time you guys forgot to run my card and you had to call me to get the info. I entered the damn info myself and my screen was still up so I know I did. Stop saying, “Ahhh, you make mistake.” I didn’t make a damn mistake, you did. What’s more, even if I had made a mistake, it was months ago. We are not bonding over this BS.
If your crab puffs weren’t heaven with four corners, I would stop ordering from you.
XOXO
Me
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Dear Domino’s Pizza,While I’m on the subject of food delivery, I have a bone to pick with you.
Your online order system is super. When I’m done ordering, you have this little bar that tells me what stage my pizza is at in its assembly. I know that Juan makes better pizza than Frank does because I know who made my pizza. I know that Jorge does a good quality inspection.
What I do not know, to any accuracy, is when the hell the actual pizza will arrive at my house. I know when it leaves your location, a block away. But it seems like the time between then and when it arrives at my door varies from 5 minutes to 40. Plus, quite often, the delivery guy updates your bar so it says my order is complete and delivered. Then, I’m staring at a bar that says “Delivered! MMM, we hope you’re enjoying your pizza.”
No! I am not enjoying my pizza because it isn’t here yet! You’re just taunting me! The last time you delivered, Domino’s? I looked at that message for 35 minutes before my pizza finally arrived. I thought maybe you’d been in a horrible accident and sauce was running red in the streets. I worried about you...and about my pizza.
There’s no point in having a status bar if it doesn’t show your actual status.
Love and kisses,
Me
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Dear Leonardo DiCaprio,
Don't think I'm not on to you. I know you've used witchcraft to somehow get hotter with every movie. And at some point my hate for you grew to grudging admiration to actual respect. I'm still not sure when it shifted.
You used to be so weaselly. I’m almost positive. I remember being staunchly anti-you and somehow it’s turned on me. Even when you play a crazy person with an insane accent, I find myself rooting for you and thinking that you have pretty eyes. How did this happen?
And worse, what if the other celebrities figure out your secret? Do you want to be the trendsetter responsible for a magically hot and respected Gary Busey? Because you know he’ll jump on that bandwagon if he can find it. Tom Cruise is just looking for a way back in.
Please, Leo, for all our sakes...keep your secret.
Sincerely,
Me
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3 Response to
I feel the exact same way about Leo....the exact same way. Except for the fact that he was brilliant in Gilbert Grape which was very early in his career.....
I haven't seen that one...maybe it would have changed things for me earlier.
you should watch it, it's a classic, also with young Johnny Depp
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